


Damocles

by KhadaVengean



Series: ShuAke Week 2k20 [3]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Female Kurusu Akira, Gets back to fluff, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Male-Female Friendship, Marriage, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy Scares, Redemption, Smoking, Survivor Guilt, mention of smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:01:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29362914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KhadaVengean/pseuds/KhadaVengean
Summary: A pregnancy takes nine months. All seasons pass until Goro Akechi meets his child.It is a way to the scaffold. To find out whether he can escape, he has to wait.Continuation of"Liebestraum"ShuAke Week 2k20 Day 4: Seasons
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: ShuAke Week 2k20 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2019419
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	Damocles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JadeDraggy2017](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeDraggy2017/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Paedophobia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16479848) by [JadeDraggy2017](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeDraggy2017/pseuds/JadeDraggy2017). 



> FINALLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, I bring this baby to an end. Holy Moly, it just took me around five months. Sweet Jesus Lord, this is some stuff. 
> 
> This fic was HEAVILY Inspired by JadeDraggy2017's fic [Paedophobia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16479848?view_adult=true#main). Like, I took it as a reference. There are scenes that are very similar but I've thought of trying my own take about it.
> 
> It is also a continuation of my fic ["Liebestraum" ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24360952/chapters/58748707#workskin). There are a couple of references, but I think ("think") that it can also stand as a solo fic. 
> 
> A message to JadeDraggy2017: I have no clue how gifiting fics work on AO3, but you've been such in inspiration for me while writing my Persona 5 fics. I hope I don't make you uncomfortable or anything, but I really wanted to do something. I hope you like it or find it interesting at least. ^^
> 
> I hope you enjoy this huge fic of mine! Any kind of word is appreciated. 
> 
> English is not my first language. Please be aware of that.

**Summer**

Her eyes were shining, gray eyes sparkling to a silver tone. Her black luscious locks framed her face and she was the most beautiful human being on this entire planet.

“I’m pregnant, Goro.”

His wife spoke the words that cut away his breath, froze the blood in his veins and Goro Akechi stood on the spot, surrounded by the comforting atmosphere of their living room. Akira’s eyes were filled with tears, running down her porcelain skin and glowing like pearls.

She pressed a hand against her mouth, her eyelashes catching her tears and it should be forbidden to let one sight crush his heart like that. “We’re going to be a family.”

A family. The thing he had wanted once. A mother and a father that cared for him, who loved him and a world in which he could grow up to be free.

His mother rotten in her grave. His father, rotting in prison. The family he thought of and wished for as a child was cast away. He had discarded his hopeless ideal long ago.

Goro still was lucky. After everything, even after throwing away his dreams, he found his other half, his soulmate, the woman who stood with him through everything. The rings on their fingers were proof of that, having exchanged vows three years ago with their best friends and loved ones present. She became his family. The thing that became the most important to him long ago.

But in the late summer light, the sun shining brightly from the outside, she changed the reality. In a couple of months, they were three, not two. A child, a mix between him and her, on their way.

His wife was happy. And normally, they shared their happiness, celebrating every possible occasion worthy to be celebrated. But this?

The past returned. Akira was basking in the light, taking in the sun as her companion and smiling so brightly at him. She was happy.

Goro instead stood in the middle of the room, a cold hand reaching for him and squeezing his lungs.

He was becoming a father.

And instead of happiness…

Goro Akechi was terrified.

* * *

What did define a father?

Whether it was a surrogate father, a biological one or an adoptive one, society considered that they had five different duties: sponsorship, tutorship, nurturing, protection and devotion.

All in all, Goro has never lived through that. There was no father for him, his mother being the only companion during his early childhood. But after she has allowed her anxiety and burdens to take her away, there was nothing. Surrogate fathers who threw curses upon him, others who kicked and punched him, who spat on him and cast him out as soon as he did one mistake.

His own biological father became his greatest enemy. The one who caused the misery of his life.

And now, he was becoming a father on his own. His child being nurtured in its mother’s belly, tender hands caressing it. Its mother was loving them already, tears of happiness often finding a way down her cheek and a laugh.

Akira was hugging him around his waist, her face buried in the back of his neck. “Pst,” she whispered and her warm breath tickled his ear. “Goro?” He felt her burying her face in his neck. “Are you asleep?”

“Akira.” As soon as he opened his mouth, he let out a jaw breaking yawn. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep,” she whispered and he couldn’t quiet detect if he was supposed to be worried or not. “Can we talk? Or do something?”

“Akira,” he repeated her name and rolled on his other side, catching her hand in his. “It’s 1 in the morning.”

“I know.” She nodded frantically and only thanks to the moonlight, he could see the smile on her lips and the power in her eyes. “But I have so much energy left.” Her gray eyes were shining, glowing until she blinked once and her whole face fell in worry. “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot you were working tomorrow. Or today?” She straightened her upper body, her hands on the sheets and she tilted her head. “Go back to sleep. I’m going for a walk.”

Confusion struck his face. “A walk? At this hour?”

She already stood up, threw their covers to the side and aimed to their dresser with determination, picking out a pair of jeans and one of her shirts, threw everything quickly over her top and panties she wore for sleeping and closed the door. “Yeah, why not?” She shrugged, tied her hair to a ponytail and went outside their room. “I won’t be gone for long.”

“Akira.” Goro followed her moves: he moved the covers to the side, exited the room and found her at the door in their apartment. And to his utter dismay, she was already pulling on her sandals with her keys lying right next to her. “You can’t just walk around the neighbor hood at this hour.”

“What? Why?” She raised her eyebrow. “Do you think I can’t defend myself when someone’s passing me?”

“What? Of course not.” She had kicked his ass after all.

“Then what’s the problem? Do you think I’m weak?” And instead of confusion or anger, he could see her forehead formed to a frown and her lips trembling. “Do you distrust me this much, Goro? I thought we were _married.”_

Oh hell. This was the exact opposite of the way he wanted this to go.

“Akira, I trust you, that’s not the problem.”

The heels of her sandals were clacking standing up and he was both shocked and incapable to find out his next move. “Goro.” And her sadness passed and Goro Akechi was met with the face of mood swings.

“I swear, if you’re not letting me leave right this moment, we’re going to have a serious problem.” She leaned forward, tipping her finger against his chest and her eyes were blazing with a mix of emotions he didn't recognize. “I’m going to take a walk and you will not be able to stop me.”

He sighed, let his shoulders fall. “Then I go with you.”

Silence. He looked at her face, waited for her reaction. And immediately discovered the beam on her features. Her cheeks were glowing red, her smile shining and she leaned forward, put her arms around his neck and embraced him fierce fully. “Thank you, Goro!” She kissed his cheek and put her lips on his.

Despite his confusion, he hummed and enjoyed the moment.

* * *

**Fall**

The wind was colder today. The bouquet on the passenger seat was resistant enough to withstand the cooler temperatures and wouldn’t wither immediately.

Parking his small car, he pulled out his key and drove his hand over his face. Rubbing his temple, he quickly checked his phone for the time and realized there was still plenty left until he had to return to the station. He picked up the bouquet, left his phone in the glove box and got out of his vehicle.

He approached the graveyard slowly. The stones were crunching under his feet and he suddenly regretted that he forgot his scarf at the station. The cool breeze touched his neck directly, bringing a shiver to his spine.

The destination was clear. It’s been years since the last time he visited her – the day before his wedding was the last memory he was able to recall. He gulped the thing in his throat down, stepped in front of the stone and read the name of the woman he lost too soon.

“Hello, mother.”

Putting the bouquet on the ground was the only thing that came to his mind. After that, he didn’t know what to do – just stand in front of it and fold his hands? Kneel before her grave?

His ponytail moved with him when he crouched in front of her stone and the bouquet. The memory of him and Akira visiting this place, a day before their wedding came up in his mind. How they stood next to each other, their hands interlocked, her head on his shoulder and how she introduced herself to her late mother-in-law.

“I know it’s been some time since I’ve been here.” He wrung his hands. “A lot has happened since then.” He looked at her grave, at the name carvedinto the stone, the date of birth and death and realized something suddenly.

His mother was twenty-nine when she gave birth to him. Her son, the last push that brought her to commit suicide, was twenty-seven. While becoming a parent, he was only two years younger than his mother had been.

“I’m becoming a father.” There, he said it. The main reason of nightmares, restless nights and headaches over the last couple of months. “The date is due for April. The doctor said that it’s been growing nice and healthy and that there are no signs of anything worrying. You should have seen Akira’s face when she has seen the first picture of our-” He nearly choked on his tongue. “Of our child.”

Three words. A strange mix of terrifying fear and endless nervousness was a mix he couldn’t quiet decipher.

Another rapid gesture over his face. “For weeks, I’ve been wondering about some things.” He tilted his head, listened to the sound of the wind howling through the slowly barren trees. The mass of leafs falling from the branches nearly covered the whole ground and the paths haven’t been cleared yet.

He wrung his hands, rubbed his fingers in the spaces between and pulled up his shoulders, let them fall again. He pulled of his gloves with his teeth, let them slide of his hands and packed them into the pocket of his beige coat.

He played with the wedding ring on his finger, seeking for the warmth that flooded him whenever he touched it. Ever since Akira had slid it on during a chilly day in March, there was never a moment he felt truly cold. Even if there was a storm raging on, snow covering the city or the sight of a crime capable to church nearly anybody’s stomach, he had clutched his hand tightly and thought of her.

But this was the first time where he wasn’t so sure if this warmth could triumph over the cold uncertainty of his fear.

“I’ve often wondered how the world would be if you were still here. If things had been different. If you had raised me and I hadn't worked for Shido.”

The name was acid on his tongue, threatening to tear his lungs and heart apart. Although it was even worse before, menacing to cut him in two at the sole thought of his deadbeat father, things had changed.

The world had changed. Shido had changed.

He had changed.

“I wonder if you had ever told me about your regrets when I was older. If I could have been able to make you proud by becoming the type of student I aimed to be. Even before I offered him my power.”

The moment he entered a devil’s pact, being so easily deceived by something so obvious. His ego and pride were the things that nearly killed him.

“Become modest. Fulfill your atonement by living and being confronted with your sins every day. Until the day you accept them and move on.” Goro started to smile, looking at the name of his mother carved into the stone. “That’s what Akira told me back then, when she turned herself in for me. I had nowhere to go, only her and she returned to me.”

He let out a shaky breath.

“Sometimes, I even wondered how your life would be if you haven’t given birth to me. If fate wasn’t too cruel to you by giving you a son you never wanted and be rejected by our world.”

He straightened his back, stood on his two feet steady on the ground and the wind caressed the shell of his ear teasingly. A shiver was running down his spine.

“Would you be happy? Would you have found a life you were content with? Would you have died a death better for you?”

Sometimes, he thought that her life and death were wasted on him. Her life for she has given birth to him. Her death for her own foolishness to keep him alive.

For a moment, he thought that time has turned back. That he was sixteen again, visiting his mother’s grave right after becoming Shido’s hitman, after his first kill and before he became a person known to the public.

He had promised her back then to avenge her death for letting Shido getting the treatment he deserved after all the things he has done to her.

In body, he was alone.

The solitude was a safe haven, but not one he could dwell forever. Akira’s face popped up in front of his internal eye – her sparkling gray eyes, her cheeks dipped into a red color of joy, her smile beautiful and ethereal. So out of this world, so far away from his own mind that he could only watch her in hesitation and astonishment.

In spirit, he wasn’t so sure.

He looked at the stone, at the flowers moving in the wind. He was an unwanted child, something who wasn’t supposed to take a look at this world.

And now, he was expecting a child on his own. What would win?

The legacy of his parents or him and Akira?

He pulled up his shoulders and let them _stay._

“Goodbye, mother.”

* * *

His phone buzzed when he returned. With a grunt, Goro fished it out of his glove box, ignored the spam mails and clicked on the message his wife sent him.

_Up for take out this evening?_

He chuckled, shook his head over her laziness to cook and wanted to send a reply when he saw her picture popping up on his display. His phone was buzzing and he accepted it with a smile on his lips. “Really, Akira?”

A laugh from the other side of the line and for a second, he forgot that he just visited his mother’s grave. The dead passed and the living greeted him.

“Hello to you too, darling,” Akira teasingly replied and another giggle escaped her. “What, can’t I just try to convince my charming and very handsome husband-”

“Akira.” His effort to reign her in was in vain, her going on.

“- who is the greatest man in the world, so intelligent and sporty and oh so deliciously well built-”

He nearly choked on his saliva, earning a full-blown laugh from the black haired beauty. “Akira, you didn’t just really say that.”

“Of course.”

Goro shook his head. “You’re impossible.”

“At least look at it like that; I’m your impossible one.”

She giggled, he dropped his shoulders back down.

And Goro whispered in the silence of his car:

“Yes, you are.”

* * *

_Fleur noir_ was a small cafe in the outskirts of Tokyo. Despite its recent opening, business was booming. Young and old, parents with their children, students both in middle- and high school, students from university, couples in every possible age category have quickly discovered this small spot in the normally bustling city.

The thing that made it so immensely unique was the feeling of tranquility and peace it provided to its customers. Whenever someone entered it, they had the opportunity to just relax for a moment – forget the worries of the day and take a moment for yourself, to sort out your thoughts and be in the present.

Various components made this possible: pots of plants and flowers on every imaginable surface which emitted a flowery scent in the room. The high windows, allowing light to flood the room, or a small choice of coffee and meals, nearly everything prepared with things of their own cultivation. The carefully crafted ambient with various painting hanging on the walls.

The people loved it. And its owner really put all of her knowledge she has received from the Phantom Thieves’ favorite spot to meet up to good use.

It was a couple of minutes after closing time. The sign was already turned around and through the window, Goro saw how Haru Okumura sat at a table closest to the counter, a writing pad lying on the surface, a pile of receipts placed right next to it. She has already put her apron away and her fluffy hair loosened from her usual ponytail.

Goro caught her attention when he knocked on the door. A smile lit up her face and he was greeted by her soft voice. “Good evening, Goro,” she chirped and opened her door far and wide for him. “Come in.”

“My apologies for the sudden interruption,” he replied and stepped into the warm interior, the combination of food and flowers filling his nostrils and a feeling of relaxation spread through his limbs. “I wanted to get here before it’s closed, but I didn’t make it in time.”

“It’s no problem at all, don’t worry about it.” She gestured to her space. “Please take a seat. Do you want to have a cup of coffee?”

“I don’t want to bother you-”

“You won’t.” Her voice cut through his words and he let out a deep sigh. Sometimes, he forgot that Haru had learned her way to be stubborn enough to convince others of her thoughts. “Well then, a cup of coffee?”

“If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Never.” She shifted behind the counter, let cups and pots clank and while she kept on going, Goro took in the room, looked at the plants and flowers and various paintings. The artist truly hasn’t lost his touch. Landscapes, still-lives, abstract showcases of human emotions. But whenever he looked at a piece of him on the wall, he recognized his girlfriend as well – there were little tags pinned under the frame with the titles and names, but they had one thing in common.

Under every painting, there was something written: Painted by Yusuke Kitagawa.

Goro started to smile.

“Do you like it?” Putting a cup of the most important liquid in his life right in front of him, Haru returned to her previous seat, gesturing to the painting on the wall. “Yusuke has only finished it a couple of days ago. The customers were delighted to see it.”

He understood why. The sight the dark blue depths of the sea, with silhouettes of human beings on the surface and yet the fishes swimming in the water just added a fitting note to the relaxing atmosphere. “I can see why.”

“I’m happy to hear it.”

And suddenly, the atmosphere changed. The tone turned quickly into a direction he didn’t want to go. Putting everything aside, Haru put her hands on her lap and fixated him with a single look. “Goro, what’s wrong?”

The coffee reached the wrong part of his lungs and he coughed, pounded on his chest and tried to regain oxygen as fast as possible. “What-,” he tried to speak, but wheezed instead. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t look so well.” A hand on his arm was the only touch he needed to know that he lost. “Is everything alright?”

He shuddered, the temperature dropping below a comfortable state and he wished that he hadn’t put away his coat. “Haru-”

He was caught. Although he had originally wanted to just pay her a visit without any other thought, there was a simple thing he wished to ask her. A deep and shaming thought that reached the deepest core of his heart and one of the few things he couldn’t pull away from.

“I wanted to ask you something.”

Her brown eyes looked at him in patience. They have grown close as friends, despite his original thought that she’d hate him for all eternity.

“What troubles you?”

He wrapped his hands around his cup, the brown liquid reflecting his outer state.

Even though nearly ten years have passed, there were still many things that hadn’t changed.

“Back then, when we were in high school,” he started to speak and watched how her face contorted into a weird mix of a frown and worry, “I’ve been wondering about some things.”

Goro closed his eyes. Relieved the countless moments in his late adolescence that sometimes haunted him. He felt how Haru put a hand on his arm and the prominent scar on his left shoulder stung all of a sudden. It wasn’t raining, but he still could feel every stitch to patch it together.

“Why did you forgive me?”

In other times, long gone but still so close to his mind in truth and lie, he should have gotten a trial. Something to punish a criminal like him, who ruined multiple lives and threatened many others. And yet, his wife, the woman he married, vowed to cherish, love and protect, took this trial for him. She gave him his judgement and he followed.

In dark moments in the middle of the night, when they lay next to each other, her sleeping peacefully and him watching her open mouth and rising chest, Goro Akechi wondered. Was it too light? Shouldn’t he have met a crueler end?

Haru was one of the two persons on this earth he would accept his end without hesitation. Her and Futaba were the only ones who still had enough power to cast him out. And he’d follow.

He always wished that it never came.

Haru looked away. The girl with the fluffy brown hair, who had been nothing but a obedient daughter and tool to her father – the man he had _killed –_ with no chance in sight to escape a marriage she had never wanted. And now, he simply looked at her, a successful business woman with a heart of gold and surrounded by the things she loved. Her cafe, the things she has done for herself, a man who cherished her deeply and never let her down.

“At the beginning-,” she started to speak and allowed him to sharpen his attention at the tone of her voice. “I didn’t.”

“ _I can’t forgive you completely.”_

He refused to look her way. Both of them were staring at the table’s surface instead. While she had her hands folded in her lap, he lingered them on his thighs, listening to every tone her voice produced.

“Trust me when I say that I also wished to save you during your father’s palace.” Her voice dipped down when she spoke the title Masayoshi Shido bore in relations to him. A shiver ran down his spine. “And I didn’t regret it. Not now, not back then. In fact, I knew that you were just like us – you were misguided, didn’t have anyone to help you and be your crutch. We had Morgana who taught us – you had to work and function alone. I think we could have ended up just like you, someone who lost his way, but both Akira and Morgana helped us to prevent it.” She blinked, played with a curl of her fluffy hair. “Shido gave you a precise goal. And to achieve this, you needed precise methods. After everything our society has done to you, I understand why you did the things you did.”

The machines were buzzing, echoing through the room as an unnerving sound. He let out a shaky breath, felt how liquid was being formed on his forehead and he was happy that he had put his coat away.

“And yet, I still saw the pictures. For months, I had nightmares of how he died. I saw my father standing in front of me or far away. He died, every single time.”

A wince. A plea. And yet, he stayed seated.

“You never had the chance to communicate with us. You were always alone. Sometimes, when I think about it, you were a victim we thought we couldn’t save. You wanted to sacrifice yourself for our sake, for Akira’s sake, to save us. That is something we all appreciate until today.”

She leaned over the table, grabbed his hand softly and squeezed tenderly. He looked at their hands, his ring glinting in the light under the lamb and the only thing he desired was to see Akira, her in his arms. But, as soon as he thought about her, he was afraid. There was something growing in her stomach.

“Then what changed?,” he croaked out and suddenly felt so very tired. “Why did you?”

Forgiveness was a tough nut to crack.

“I spoke with Akira about it. Many times. I told her about my feelings, tried to explain to her that I despised you for something you did. You never did it voluntarily, never out of bad will. You chose your goal over the life of my father.”

Presenting it like that, she was right. He chose many lives over his own. Simply because he thought that his suffering was the worst in this world. His ego and pride stood in his way.

“I trust Akira. She told me about you, so happy and delighted that I started to give you a chance.” And Haru tilted her head, putting her other over their locked ones. “And until this day, I don’t regret it.”

“Haru-,” he wished to interject, to find something he could let go. But there were no words. He had his explanation. And yet, there was so incredibly much that was unsaid.

Maybe some things should never be said out loud.

“Hush now,” she giggled and pressed her index finger against his forehead, earning a small grunt from him. “There is no need to worry about the past, Goro. Think about the future.” She put her free hand against her chest, sighing dreamily. “You will be a father in a couple of months. Isn’t this wonderful?”

He was both calmer and more frightened than before. Did such a mix even exist in this world?

“After all the things that happened, after all the things you have achieved, I am sure you will be a wonderful papa.” She suddenly stood up from her chair, pulling him with her and her eyes start to glow. “You can do so much more than both your father and mine. You will do everything to give them what they need.” Their hands were joined and the his hands were both cold enough to let them sting and warm enough to singe the skin.

“I believe in you.”

* * *

**Winter**

Instead of colored leafs covering the ground, the trees became barren and the soil frozen. Goro’s breath escaped in white puffs, dissipating in the darkness of the night and he let out a deep sigh. He sneaked a look at the calendar, the 24th December circled with a red marker, making it even more frustrating and returned inside.

He was one of the few who had drawn the bad luck card and was stuck in the office to work during Christmas Eve. Only a few were left, sitting at their desks or talking with each other. The pace was so incredibly slow relaxed that Goro allowed himself to not focus that much on his tasks. He took his time, sorted through the reports casually and often looked outside the window, watching how snow fell gracefully. It has been the first white Christmas for years, bringing an excited gleam to the children’s eyes.

Despite that thought, or maybe because of it, he felt how his right shoulder stung. Funny to imagine that both his shoulders were once the home of a bullet and even funnier how he was still able to function properly. He rolled them, up and down, from front to back, trying to ease the tension between his shoulder blades.

“You’re still going at it,” a familiar voice said behind him and a little package filled with sweets found a spot on his desk, between his computer, reports and nearly empty coffee mug. He raised his eyes, started to smile a little wistfully and gestured to the mess. “I do my best.”

Makoto rolled her eyes, leaned against the edge and folded her arms. “I can see that.” Her eyebrows were risen, her brown hair following her. “Are you alright? Is everything okay?”

His stomach lurched and he tried to conceal it. For weeks, he felt this edge in his life. Watching how Akira’s stomach grew, slowly giving her the chance to take a maternity leave, dominated his life before, during and after work. “Akira’s fine. The baby’s growing quickly.” He shrugged, feeling how her eyes narrowed. “It’s much to see in the future.”

“With a baby on the way, that’s understandable.” Her brown hair cast a shadow over her face whenever she tried to look to the left or right and he let out a deep breath. Partly shaking. “But you have only mentioned Akira.” He saw how her indexfinger tapped her arm. “What about you?”

He couldn’t shrug this time, so he decided to look outside. It was a peaceful picture, him in a warm room speaking with a friend and watching how the world slowly turned white. “I’m fine. My shoulders started to make trouble again, but I guess it’s because of the cold weather.” He put a hand on his right one, felt the pulse in the left and let out a breath.

“You were heavily injured in both. Maybe you should make an appointment with a physical therapist again.” He saw something cloud her eyes. She was with him when both happened. “Or perhaps-”

A ringing. Her words were cut of, interrupted by the quiet ringing tone of his phone. They exchanged glances and Goro reached over his desk, Akira’s picture in front of his eyes and signaled to Makoto. She nodded.

He picked up. “Akira?,” he said and recognition flooded his colleague’s face. “What’s wrong? Is everything alright?”

“ _It’s snowing!”_ Her voice was brimming with excitement. “ _Are you still at work, honey?”_ And before he could even form a proper reply, she was shooting out her next words. “ _Can you come outside?”_

“Outside? Now?” He raised his eyebrow, catching Makoto’s shrug and how she aimed to leave him his privacy. “Sure, I can go.” Goro waved shortly to his colleague, stood up and grabbed his coat. “Hold your horses, I’ll be there in a second.” He left her scarf on his chair, keeping his phone to his ear and exchanging greeting glances with the others.

A harsh wind bit him while stepping outside, a shiver running down his back and he really regretted not taking the scarf with him. “So, I’m outside. What is it?”

“ _Can we watch the snow together?”_ Her excitement was unstoppable, nearly reaching him. “ _Not for long. Please.”_

He hummed, nodding slowly. “Anything you want.”

The flakes were dancing, so small and falling so rapidly. Whenever it was snowing, he felt like the world came to a halt. Stopped being so fast and took a moment to watch how everything slowly turned to white.

They exchanged few words and Goro could imagine her standing at the window, looking outside with her big gray eyes and watching with so much fascination for this world. His heart grew tight in his chest, burying his free hand into his pocket and he piqued up when she started to speak.

“ _Goro?”_

“Yes?” The snow nearly swallowed his words alive.

“ _Can I tell you something?”_

A breath. A sigh. A word, fleeting between his lips and disappearing in the cold air. “What is it?”

“ _Let’s promise each other that we give our child the best life together.”_ She let out a shaking breath. He saw Akira's face – her beautiful face, the one he could look at every day and every night. The woman who chose him, of all persons in this world, to stay by her side. He saw her tears, the drops falling down her cheeks, but not in sadness or grief, or even frustration. Unlike many years ago, they were shed in happiness.

That was the thing he swore to her. On their wedding day, the one she returned to Tokyo and they reunited at last, crossing the distance.

“We will.”

He loved his wife. Over everything else. He wouldn’t mind to return to his old self as Black Mask if it were for her safety and happiness.

He was afraid of his own child. A creature that was half her, the woman he loved, and half him. Half him. His child bore a part of him. And which part would that be?

The charismatic detective?

The boy who was cast out?

The murderer?

The words were stuck in his throat and he didn’t even dare to gulp them down. Afraid to suffocate.

Only a couple of months left. Only a certain number of days left. A number which would be able to go down to zero.

It felt like the countdown to a bomb.

“I love you, Akira.” He whispered, not even sure that she heard him. But Goro needed to speak those words. He had to.

_“I love you too, Goro,”_ she whispered back and it was a voice in the background of his mind. _“I love you so much.”_

“I love you more than anything.” He could feel tears fill his voice, biting his bottom lip and pressing a naked hand against his mouth. “Never forget that, okay?”

_“I won’t. Thank you.”_

Thank you for putting a potential murderer into her womb?

That was nothing to thank for.

* * *

His apartment was dark when he returned. Snow had stopped falling and the world was sleeping soundly in the presence of the solitude or their loved ones.

Goro Akechi put down his coat and scarf, his shoes and entered the apartment with careful steps. He passed the kitchen, living room and was happy that the nursery was to the left; their bedroom was to the right.

He entered their room, expecting Akira to lie in bed with a book in her hands. Maybe greeting him and sharing the last couple minutes of Christmas Eve together.

Instead, he saw a mob of black hair. Curly, long, beautiful, soft, ebony, fitting for his hands and fingers to card through. Falling over their blankets and his crispy white pillow, she occupied his side and snored softly.

He took a seat by her side. Cupped her cheek and ran his thumb over her skin.

The night was his only witness. The witness of his fear. A cruel observer.

It was the last time, at this moment, that Goro Akechi allowed himself to cry.

* * *

The shrine was packed with people. That wasn’t a surprise – one of the biggest shrines in the city of Tokyo right before midnight. On New Year’s eve.

“Akira, we don’t have to hurry.” It was a futile attempt. Goro recognized the tone of stubbornness in her eyes and her pout and she shook her head definitively. “We have more than enough time.”

“I’m not sick, Goro.” Her pout intensified, despite her huffs of catching her breath. She frowned, mimicked a grimace and stood still when they ended one of the multiple stairs leading to the shrine. “I’m just-” Her breathing turned to huffing and her grip on his arm tightened. “Okay, you win. Can I sit somewhere for a minute?”

There was a bench nearby. He carefully led his wife there, wrapping an arm around her waist and helping her to sit down. Crouching by her side, he took her hand and intervened their fingers. “If someone is allowed to take their time, it’s you, Akira.”

“I get it, I get it. Jeez.” She rolled her eyes, looked at their hands. “I’m not some fragile maiden, you know.” She refused to look up, kept gazing on their fingers, putting her other hand over theirs and playing with his ring. “I’m pregnant, not ill.”

“I know.”

But maybe carrying his child inside her womb could be considered a sickness, but maybe, just maybe.

“Can I be honest, Goro?” She looked at him with those big gray eyes of hers and who was he to deny her? So he nodded, giving her the signal to continue but instead, Akira tightened her grip on his hand. He complied, their fingers tightly locked, strength lying in their grasp. “I thought that you’d be more worried over the last months. You know.” She blinked, eyelashes batting beautifully. “Fuzzier.”

He mimicked her blinking, confusedly. “I’m not sure if I am supposed to take that as a compliment or not.” The uncomfortable stiffness spread through his legs, bending them multiple times to bring back some feeling into them. Akira watched him with amusement, tugging on his sleeve and brought him to squeeze right next to her. Their thighs were touching, her shoulders brushing and with a look to the side, he saw her pregnant middle.

A weird taste jumped on his tongue. A sense he tried to ignore at the moment. For now, he only wished to feel the wind on his skin, hear the people’s murmur and see them, the stars and his wife.

“Are you scared?”

With a startle, his head shot down, looking at the woman holding his hand. He could feel sweat form underneath his scarf, spreading on his neck and it wasn’t winter anymore, but summer. “Scared?” He despised how high his tone became, how even his own voice betrayed him. “What should I be scared of? There is nothing to worry, right?”

Half her, half him. If his child inherited her side and forgot about him, neglecting his genes completely, then maybe he shouldn’t be so worried about it. It was something to cling on, to keep remembering, before his sanity would finally escape his fingers. The night was theirs, the greeting of the new year approaching. The year his life would be changed completely, for all eternity.

Oh sweet saint above.

“You look so tense. And there is something off about you.” She blinked once more and to be honest, he could watch her batting eyelashes for hours. There was something enchanting about the way how she tilted her head and the way she could easily look through his eyes into his soul. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Akira could look so easily through him. It brought him relieve. Release.

_Fear._

Their hands were still locked together, something to keep him grounded. Goro wondered – for how long did she keep those thoughts to herself? They were a duo, knowing each other’s weakness and strengths. He had the tendency to keep things to himself, trying to solve them on his own. Old habits die hard and it was one that he despised. Akira learned to adapt to this, trying to give him the space she knew he needed. Eventually, whenever they started this topic, she always spoke the same sentence. And in this moment, he just waited for it.

“Goro.” The sound of his name coming from her mouth brought a shiver to his spine, letting his hands tingle. Older habits die even harder and he hid his unoccupied one in his pocket, wishing she wouldn’t see it. He hid his face in his scarf, pressing his shoulders as close as possible and released their fingers, wrapping his arm around her waist. His hand was close to her belly, but not close enough.

Half him- no, half her. Just half her and nothing else.

“What is it? What is troubling you?” Despite their proximity, he felt like there was a vast sea between them. Their thighs were touching, he had an arm wrapped around their waist, their shoulders brushed and yet, it felt like she wasn’t there at all. “There is something.”

The way her eyes bore no hesitation to drill right through his skull reminded him of the power she had. The kind of person she was after everything she had to endure, the many lessons she pulled from them.

He didn’t respond. He closed his eyes, not being able to speak or think or even breath. This weird mix of fear and excitement, of terror and the unknown, was inside him, never ending to cause a mess in his body. Pulling to and fro, making his insides churn and his senses die. He wasn’t sure what to do, how to act. Goro didn’t want her to see.

He didn’t want anything in this moment.

A mob of black hair pressed into his neck, warm breath fanning over his skin, letting his own glow. He felt how his lungs were both tightened and free. “Will you tell me one day?”

Akira reached for his hand once more. Intertwined their fingers and although he reciprocated, his grip was looser. Therefore, hers was stronger.

“Akira, I-”

“I’m not stupid, you know.” She bonked her head against his shin, softly, and redirected his arm around her shoulders instead of her waist. It was a relief – and horrifying. Did she know about his sentiment? Did she know about his thoughts? What would she say? She was pregnant, he was supposed to take care of her and not the other way around. That was the least he could do, considering he put a potential murderer into her womb-

He sucked in a breath. Her gaze was piercing.

“There is something going on. And it’s something big. I don’t know if any of this affects us or your work or anything else. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I won’t force you or anything else. But, Goro, please, do me a favor.”

“ _I love you. Don’t forget that, alright?”_

Another harsh breath. He nodded, squeezing his eyes tighter than before.

“At least tell me that something is wrong. I’m your wife, aren’t I?” Her hand touched his cheek, and she redirected his gaze back to her, her voice quiet, a whisper meant only for them and not for any other person to hear. Gray and red met each other, fear and worry, strength and weakness, a savior and a killer. “Never one without the other. That’s what we promised. You can tell me the details tomorrow, in a year or never. But I’m here to listen.” Her gaze sharpened. He gulped. “Not to judge.”

Akira hit the nail on the head. Like always. He wondered why she didn’t become a detective like him or a prosecutor. Such precision should be considered unfair.

His wife blinked, her eyelashes batting, her gray hues shining. Akira was unique, a woman among women, and he considered himself to be so hella lucky and so incredibly unlucky to have married her.

She leaned her forehead against his and for a moment, he could breath. Again. Life invaded his lungs instead of fear. “Okay?”

Goro pressed his lips together, but nodded. “Okay.”

A kiss on his cheek, she buried her face in his scarf and closed her eyes. Silence fell over them.

“Okay,” he repeated and leaned his head against hers.

A couple of minutes later, the people shouted ‘Happy New Year’ across the entire shrine.

* * *

The new year started relatively harmless. Since the team couldn’t manage to make it back on New Year’s eve, they decided to meet up in Leblanc. Akira told him that Ann was picking her up so he wouldn’t have to worry about her getting there safely.

When he arrived, the atmosphere was light. Laughter and giggles echoed through the space he called his second home, found the former Phantom Thieves of Hearts surrounded in a booth, sitting together closely except for Akira, who sat in a chair at the head of the table, cradling her stomach with her two hands. The moment she turned her head into his direction, her eyes sparkling silver, he forgot the weight on his shoulders. A quiet melody echoed through his head and he approached the group.

As a greeting, he waved at the group, kissed Akira on the temple, asked Soujiro for a cup of coffee and took the closest chair to take a seat right next to his wife. Since they were all earning money at this point, they declined to get everything for free. Even though Sojiro tried to protest heavily and told them it’s not big deal, one look from Akira, highly pregnant and ready to strike, made him silent.

The evening passed. Stories were exchanged, of jobs and partners, how their lives proceeded. Although the Phantom Thieves have been officially disbanded for nearly a decade, they never did in their hearts. They met on every possible occasion, always trying to find a time where everyone was available and not hindered by exhibits, photo shoots, all-nighters in front of a computer, students who didn’t see the advantages of sports, one’s own business or criminals running around Tokyo.

When time is nigh, he put a hand on Akira’s shoulder, leaned to her ear and whispered: “I get some fresh air.”

Her look said everything. Worried, skeptical. “Are you alright?”

“Of course. I’ll be right back.”

He felt her looks when he stood up. Excusing himself to the other Thieves, he exited the cafe. He wasn’t surprised in the least to find Sojiro Sakura standing outside in front of the door with a cigarette in his hand.

The owner of Leblanc, second father to both Akira and him, raised an eyebrow. “You really do never change, huh?”

Goro smiled. “You as well,” he said while gesturing to the cigarette in his hand. “Thank you for smoking outside.”

He clicked his tongue, a chuckle escaping him. “I’m not senile. To not smoke in the same room as a pregnant lady should be common sense.”

“Still. Thank you for that. I mean it.” Goro leaned against the wall, looking upwards. The sky was already in a dark blue, stars glittering above their heads. He could see his breath escaping from his nostrils, watching how the smoke left Sakura’s mouth like a cloud. Their eyes met and as quick as possible, he looked away.

But he wouldn’t talking to Sojiro Sakura if he wasn’t feeling like an open book.

“What’s on your mind, Goro?” Crossing his feet, the older man at this point, although he always vehemently denied it, raised an eyebrow. A tool that made even him shudder. “Getting cold feet?”

And did he have an answer to this question? Maybe it was meant as a joke or it was dead serious. Goro didn’t know.

Did he even want to find out?

A chuckle caught his attention. “You don’t need to act strong and mighty you know. I think the time where you had to that has long passed.”

Didn’t that just hit the nail on the head?

He took out his pack of cigarettes and to Goro’s greatest surprise, held the package in his direction. The carton seemed like a call of desire he wouldn’t have thought to possess. “Are you sure?”

Sojiro huffed. “You’re not a kid in high school anymore, but a grown man who knows what he wants.” That was only partially true, but Goro didn’t comment it. “Your decision. I’m merely offering it.”

And so, the detective looked at the small package until his gloved fingers fished one out and accepted the lighter that was held right in front of his mouth. With a deep drag, he pulled the cigarette away from his mouth, let out the smoke in a deep exhale and let his shoulders fall. “Thank you, Sakura.”

“Not a problem kid. As long as you don’t even get the idea of telling this Akira, we’re good.” Leblanc’s boss took a drag. “Don’t want to be responsible for any kind of fight you could be having.”

“I’m having one rarely. Only when the cases are getting out of hand and I need something to calm me down.” Soujiro held up the lighter right in front of his white stick and with a deep inhale, he felt the poison reach his nerves and let out a deep exhale.

He let his shoulders fall and leaned against the wall. “Thank you, Sakura,” he whispered and drew the scarf tighter against his neck. “I think this is just what I needed.”

“You’re welcome.” For a moment, they imitated each other by taking a drag from their cigarettes, letting two little dots lighten up and exhaled simultaneously. A spoken word, not destroyed or questioned by words. “You doin’ okay? Anything you want to talk about?”

The answer was ridiculous. There was too much to say. But instead of spilling the truth, Goro shrugged and took another drag to keep himself from paying too much attention. “The cases are piling up. My boss decided to test my limits by putting everything he can find on my desk. It’s become quiet a hassle.”

“Doesn’t surprise me at all. From the things Makoto told me, you seem like one of the best the department has.” His eyes, obscured by his low hanging glasses, seemed to sharpen for a moment. “I guess it is noticeable that you have had practice before you started this job.”

He knew it was supposed to be a simple sentence. Just a comment. But the way Sojiro looked at him told him otherwise. A pierce, strong enough to be a bullet and ready to dive into his shoulders a third time, said more than a thousand words.

“You may be good at hiding your emotions from your coworkers or your friends, but I’m not stupid, you know.” Sojiro put his hand on his hip, his cigarette in his mouth and taking another drag. “I’ve known you long enough. There is nothing that you need to hide from me.”

“I-”

Something erupted. Was it fear? Potentially. Was it grief? Maybe. Or even something like anger?

Goro Akechi would never know.

“Consider to speak with Akira about this. You know that stress isn’t good for the baby. And if you keep secrets from her, she will worry even more.” He put the cigarette into an ash tray. “It’s been long enough, Goro. I do not think you need to be reminded that you don’t have to keep secrets from us.”

With those words, Sojiro Sakura reentered Leblanc, opening the door and let the sounds of laughter and the little bell combine to a melody that remained in his head.

Goro felt how all kind of strength left his knees. How he wished to grab on something to keep him balanced. But there is nothing.

Tears formed on his lids. Started to flow.

“How am I supposed to tell her this, boss?”

Akira’s laughter rang the loudest from afar. A heavenly sound, bringing him out of his darkest moments.

This time, he felt like it lured him into a deep hole and wished to never let him go.

* * *

**Spring**

The smoking became a habit he wasn’t proud of. Not at all. But after that night with Sojiro during the former Phantom Thieve’s late new Years meeting, he couldn’t resist. To keep that little white thing in his hand, inhaling the poison like a drowning gasping air, was the only thing that kept him sane. Small moments, when he stood outside of the station or on the balcony in his apartment, that gave him a moment to inhale in peace and exhale in lingering fear.

He always knew he had to return. To return to his wife, the woman he loved above all else, and that potential danger that lay inside her womb. The threat that could kill her and _he_ was the one that set it into her. And yet, Akira always looked at him with so much joy. So much love and happiness and her hugs have become pretty common for him.

The thought that he couldn’t hold her as close as he once did was another thought that nearly cracked his mind. Clean, into two pieces, without any sign that they had been one before.

The cool spring breeze brings a comforting touch on his face, the thin trail of smoke escaping his lips. Leaning his head against his arms, the cool of the balcony railing caressing his face sweetly, he let out a deep sigh. His fingers were twitching and before he could even start to think about it, his mind was going astray once more.

It wasn’t the first time.

Quickly and without even a moment of hesitation, Goro brought the cigarette back to his lips. Instead of oxygen, he inhaled poison like it was the last thing he’d ever taste and his heart beat quicker. There was a festival going on in his chest, its contestants and participants crying and laughing and doing everything in between.

They shouted. They screamed. They all sang in cheer.

“ _It’s your fault-”_

“Goro?”

Another sting of cold and darkness touched the back of his neck. Uncertain, he put away the small thing in his hand and turned his head over his shoulder. Under the light of the spring moon, Akira’s silver eyes were sparkling.

“Yes?”

She was ethereal, so out of this world and she was his. It was a thought he had to recount nearly ever single day whenever he looked at her. But to watch her how she tried to approach him with her large belly in the way made him sick to the stomach.

It felt so similar to a time that has long passed. To look at her and know that he would kill her one day-

“Do you have a moment?” Her eyes wandered to the ashtray on the railing, but fixed her look back to him. “I want to show you something.” She smiled, a little bit hesitant and tilted her head. Her black locks followed him, baring him her slender and pure neck.

The same one he _had initiated to be nearly crushed by a man’s foot-_

“Sure.” He gulped, watching in terror how her eyes narrowed just a little bit. He kept his mouth shut, opened the door a little wider for her and gestured her to lead the way.

With risen eyebrows, she looked at him and redirected her look forward, leading him into their living room, entering the floor and with a heart full of dread, went to the right. Instead of left, where their bedroom was located, she seemed to aim for something different.

The nursery.

Oh may anything on this world help him to get out of this.

Gently, she turned the doorknob, grasped his hand and pulled him inside. There was no time for him to think about how things could turn out, how he could try to get out of here; instead, he was surrounded by a room that seemed to come straight out of a fairy tale.

“I’m finally done with it. I couldn’t wait to show you.” She linked their arms, her on his right and he heard her chuckle when he couldn’t look at her. “Does it surprise you much?”

What was there to not surprise him?

Over the last few months, he only watched from the sidelines how Akira turned his on-off office to a nursery. With the help from their former teammates, they turned this whole things slowly, but surely, into a room that contained anything one of them could need. Be it the white wall with colored lines – in red, orange, green, yellow, light and dark blue, violet and gray – painted by Yusuke himself with the help from Haru. The beautiful lamb hanging from the ceiling thanks to Futaba. The furniture that Akira chose with Ann’s assistance; the cradle made of dark wood, the white plush rug on the floor, the high lamb right next to a comfortable looking arm-chair. The shelves stuffed with toys and stuffed animals, containing a fox, a cat, a panther. How the window brought a warm light from the south, illuminating the room into a picture that the majority could only distinguish as an illusion.

But it was real. This nursery was real. It existed and was way too perfect for his child.

Just fitting for Akira’s. Too much for his. Where was the point when these lines could cross?

He felt how all liquid disappeared from his mouth. His tongue was as dry as the desert and he wouldn’t be surprised if he were to suffocate in this moment. It’d be fitting.

“I-”

He sensed her patience. They’ve been together long enough. But he couldn’t. Goro was capable of many things.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t say his truth.

“It’s beautiful.”

His voice died at the end. Ending in a high squeal, he quickly tried to suppress the shudder that dominated his shoulders and lowered them enough that they were filled with tension. He listened to his wife’s quiet hum, how the weight of her head was put on his shoulder.

He simply stayed there. Without a word to say, without a thing to think, without anything to consider.

The nursery weirdly reminded him of a scaffold.

* * *

During the last months, Goro made it to his own duty to cook. Even though they had made it their tradition to swap with the cooking, he didn’t accept any kind of protest when he suggested it to a tired Akira.

And also on this evening, the routine was the same. When he returned from work and greeted his wife, usually sitting in their living room or on the balcony with a blanket over her shoulders to keep her warm from the fresh spring wind, he’d smoke a cigarette when the space outside was free and then aimed to prepare their dinner.

The conversations were light. Over the majority of the months, they spoke of his work, his cases, or how the others were doing. Anything light, nothing major and she’d listen to him gladly with her mouth full of food and a smile on her lips.

“Akira?” This time, he looked at her in confusion. “Is everything alright?”

This evening, she looked at him warily. Suspicious. As if she was able to look right through his eyes into his brain to find all the thoughts of the last few months. Akira had a glare that could melt practically anyone that tried to oppose her and her ideas and he had also been on the losing side many times.

This evening, her eyes were similar to daggers.

“Goro.”

She put her chopsticks back on the table and let her hand linger on the surface. “I want to ask you something.”

The way her eyes were filled with determination. With eagerness to get to the thing she wanted. The thing that had nearly killed him.

Goro Akechi loved his wife. He loved Akira with all his being. Ever since they were enemies during their high school days, thrown into a game that pulled their strings, both of them played with their own rules and started to fall in love.

But now, years later, when all this time has passed and they were happily married for a time now, he felt the same feeling of being caught. The way she had smiled at him, when he held a gun to her forehead and nearly ended her life-

It reminded him of this moment.

But this time, she was the one who held a gun to his forehead, ready to pull the trigger.

“Over the last few months, you’ve been off. You seem on the edge, you’ve started smoking again and you don’t talk to me.”

She cornered him, ready to tear him apart. She has always been the stronger one of them and he felt that to be proven once more.

“I’ve told you that I’d wait until you found the courage to tell me. That I wouldn’t be here to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do. But I feel that something is beginning to change.”

Even with her large belly in the way, she stood up and put her hand on the table, her other cradling the surface of her pregnant middle. She was ethereal, she was strong, she was Joker, the wildcard, the one that had defeated him.

She wasn’t pregnant. She wasn’t his wife. She was a Phantom Thief, with her mask covering the area around her eyes and her silver dagger in her hand. Back in the interrogation room on 20th November, a day that was deadly and deeply imprinted into his wife’s mind, he was the one powering over her. He had the control.

Now Goro Akechi could only watch in horror when she lowered her eyes, her eyelashes battering beautifully like the wings of a butterfly. Sweet. Elegant. Determined. Kind. Gentle. Ruthless.

She was his wife. And he loved her.

But he was also terrified.

“We’ve started to grow apart. I know it’s normal in relationships that both don't stay as close as they do in the beginning, but this is such a big thing for us.” The other hand joined her counterpart on her belly, cradling it gently. “We are expecting a baby. A child, _our_ child, our first one. This is a time for us to be happy. We’ve both been living through so much pain and dark things. I thought this is a sign for us, to take a step forward but you-”

Him. It was always his fault. No matter what went wrong, he was the one to make things worse. Be it by killing his mother indirectly, for nearly killing the other half of his heart without ever admitting his feelings or simply by existing.

Goro Akechi was the one to bring harm to others. And now, his child had the potential to make the cycle a cycle. Maybe they’d end up the same – him and his child growing distant, Akira being the collateral damage and without anyone to stop this tragedy from happening. History had the tendency to repeat itself and he was no one to stop fate in its tracks.

Akira was. She did. He had only been able to watch.

“You distance yourself from me. You don’t talk to me even though you carry something so heavy. You try to drown yourself in work and household chores and it is pretty obvious that you don’t want me to notice it. And don’t even try to deny it!” Her voice grew as sharp as a blade when he opened his mouth and closed it immediately afterwards.

He was in a corner. No exit in sight.

He let out a shaking breath.

The moment his heart broke in a thousand shards when the sight of something glittering was put into her eyes. And only a second before he realized it, there were tears running down her cheeks and the thing he wished to avoid at all cost happened.

“I…Goro, please answer me.”

He waited.

“Do you regret of us having this child?”

Not only did his heart shatter. The laughter and crying in his head became a vortex of sound and grief, of defiance and malice. They laughed at him, tore his soul apart and he wished to die right now.

Did his mother ever think the same of him?

He opened his mouth, only to close it again. And with every second that passed, he saw the terror on her face. If he didn’t say a word in another moment, he knew that their whole marriage was destined to be doomed. There wouldn’t be much to go from this point on.

“Akira,” he said, spoke her name with a quiet voice and ignored the warm liquid on his cheeks. They mirrored each other. “Please,” he whispered and lowered his head. “Please let me explain.”

A small sob but she quietened it down, sniffed a couple of time.

“I am afraid, Akira.”

Three simple words. Three words to summarize everything that has happened over the last months.

It was both a relief to finally spill it out and terrifying to say it out loud.

She sniffed, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. They still glittered in her eyes, but the trails that left an aching sensation in his heart were gone. “Afraid? Afraid of what?”

Of what exactly?

“A child is a mix of his parents. Both its mother and father. Who knows who they will resemble more?” He gulped, try to ease his heart back into an even rhythm. But it was futile. “You, the one who saved this world and helped her foolish husband to come to reason after he went down the path that included a number of corpses-”

The dam was broken. The deluge was coming. And never-ending. Only when everything was gone.

“Or its father that was once a murderer and didn’t hesitate to destroy many lives by killing or just by existing?”

Without him, his mother would probably still be alive. With a real family. Without the failure of a son.

He watched her face, observed her features. He was just a mere witness how so many emotions were coursing through her person – confusion, realization, sadness, denial, regret, guilt.

She didn’t say anything. The tears were frozen in her eyes.

He lowered his head, just a little bit. He looked at his hands, the same ones that held a gun and wielded them like he never did anything else.

“I never wanted to tell you this. Sometimes, I thought that we could be lucky, that they would go after you, inherit your personality and your looks and your visions, your potential. That I could only watch from the side while they would grow up under your loving care. But then the other thoughts came – it is still my child, the child of someone whose entire existence was cursed by so many. I don’t want them to pay the sins of their father while they have you as their mother.”

He watched how her mouth formed words, but there was cotton in his ears. He nearly suffocated.

“Goro.”

His awarness was diminished and before he could realize, he was pulled up and encompassed by two strong arms.

His breath hitched, his heartbeat started became both quiet and faster. Nearly being ripped from behind his ribcage and yet, smelling her scent of a mix between Leblanc’s coffee and her perfume brought a serene sensation to his mind.

“Stop it.” Akira had her face buried in his neck, her warm breath hitting his skin repeatedly and her tears dampening the collar of his shirt. “Stop it, you idiot!” A whimper and with both her arms around his neck, he felt how she squeezed her eyes shut by the sensation of her eyelashes. “Never think that again, never, EVER, again.” Her grip was comforting and stronger than his own could ever be.

“You are not your father! And I am not your mother!” Her voice was muffled. “We are our own persons. This is the biggest nonsense you have ever told me during the years we’ve known each other.”

“How can you say that?” He bit his lip, his hands encompassing her middle. “I-”

“Let me talk.”

A command.

He stayed quiet.

“You have done so many things, Goro. You’ve protected so many people by risking your own life. If you think that you think you still need to ‘atone’ for the things you’ve done, then you’re mistaken.” She retreated, cupped his cheeks with her hands and brushed his cheek bones with her thumbs. “Do you remember what I told you when we talked about who was going to Juvenile Hall?” Her index finger rested underneath the shell of his ear and nearly melted in her warmth.

Of course he did.

“If you want to atone for the things you’ve done, be free and do the things you deem right.”

This sentence that rang in his head echoed the words out of her mouth and he felt the weight fall from his shoulders. Hot tears gathered in his eyes, his teeth burying themselves deep into his lip and he could taste blood on his tongue.

“Goro.” Their foreheads met and he let out a quiet sob. “You’ve nearly sacrificed yourself for me back in Shido’s palace. Every day, you risk your life by working as a detective. Both your shoulders are damaged because you took two bullets that weren’t meant for you.”

His right for Akira. His left for a boy he didn’t even know.

“You risk your life, you protect the people. You do so many things and don’t even notice it.”

He sobbed fully now.

“If this child becomes like you, there is nothing I would rather ask for. To know that they may come after their father, one of the bravest men I’ve ever met and the one who makes me so happy every day by just being by my side, is enough for me.”

His heart was ripped apart and with her gentle touch, slowly glued back together.

Goro cried. Goro was pathetic.

Goro was a human being.

“Akira-”

“Shh. It’s alright.” This time, he hears the sob in her voice as well. “I love you, Goro. So much.”

And then, under a hushed whisper in their dining room, he felt how the world broke apart and light returned.

“Never doubt that.”

His tears flowed freely. He embraced her tightly, wishing to never let go.

Maybe it could heal this time.

* * *

The last few weeks before the storm were quiet. They grew closer, speaking and kissing and cuddling so much more than combined in those months before. He was still hesitant to touch her belly and she accepted it quietly, kissing his cheek and simply embracing him.

One week before the due date, Goro received a call at the office from a frantic Ryuji and a panicking Morgana in the back ground.

“ _Akira is in labor! Move your ass here!”_

And Goro did just that.

When he arrived at the scene, he was accompanied by Makoto, who didn’t even accept any kind of response to be excluded from this moment. She had driven the car, held his shoulder tightly in safety measures and brought him a water bottle as soon he took a seat in front of the delivery room.

He wondered how long it would take for her to give birth to...their child.

The plastic bottle in his hand was nearly crushed by his grip.

“Akira will be fine, Goro.”

Morgana’s boyish voice echoed through the room and obscured by the coat he wore for the weather, he curled himself into a little ball pressed against his left thigh. His light purr brought a vibrating sensation to his fingers when he touched his head and gently stroked him down his back.

The nurse eyed him suspiciously from the side when she passed and he lowered his shoulder, let himself fall against the wall behind him.

And while he waited in front of the room where his wife was giving birth, they arrived one by one. The former Phantom Thieves were reunited once more, so much quicker than they have originally anticipated. They gathered around Goro with Haru and Ann on both his sides.

“Have you eaten something?” Haru asked him with concern in her voice. “Maybe you should get something.”

“I don’t think I can eat something right now. Thank you, Haru.” He enjoyed the feeling of her hand patting his back. Even though his heart was arguing against it.

They swapped seats. Even Sojiro was coming over, bringing an excited Futaba with him who couldn’t hesitate to take the seat of Ann after she went to fetch some snacks.

“Akira managed to survive so much stuff,” she’d sprout out, a grin on her lips. “This is nothing for her.”

And how much he wished to believe it.

But when the moment came, he could still feel his heart clench in fear and anxiety.

“Goro Akechi?,” the nurse said and he rose his hand. From behind him, the sound of a cry filled the floor.

All his friends – _his friends –_ let out a sigh of relief.

“The delivery was a success. Both your wife and son are in good health, with no complications.”

A son. A boy. He was a father.

Goro Akechi became a father.

“A boy?!,” Ann squealed and was surrounded by her two arms wrapped around his neck. “Congratulations, Goro!”

“Congratulations, buddy. You deserve it.”

“You’re weird, Ryuji. Goro is a DAD now, this ain’t the time to call him buddy-”

“Maybe you’re exaggerating, Futaba-”

“Yusuke, please don’t tell me that you seriously brought your sketch book here-”

“Of course I did. Such an oppurtunity will be rarely relived in this life.”

“Sorry I couldn’t stop him-”

“Goro.”

Sojiro’s voice cut through their excitement and his calm smile brought him the strength to stand up. “Go. She’s waiting for you.”

“ _Thank you, Akechi, for telling me this. Finally, I can find some closure about her death.”_

Sojiro became a man he acknowledged as his own father.

With a nod and staggering steps, he passed his friends and entered the delivery room.

The sight right in front of him, only a couple of meters away, took his breath away.

Akira lay in bed, her black hair splayed around the pristine white pillow and sweat spots visible on the fabric, with her shirt nearly drawn over one shoulder. She held a white bundle in her arms, cooing quietly at the little figure that was bending their fingers. The cries have subsided and only the small sounds of innocence and wonder escaped the little human in her arms.

“Goro.” Her voice was a breathy whisper. Something that reached the most inner part of his heart, mind and soul.

“Say hello to our child.”

The roots that have tied around his feet let go. He walked forward.

He took his place – by her side, as her other half and looked at the little boy.

Goro Akechi was content. At peace. The doubts remained, but the deluge passed and peace was left behind. There was life after every destruction.

And so he whispered with bated breath and tears in his eyes:

“Welcome.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any headcanon name for the boy, go ahead. :)


End file.
